The grass is greener over there

Change your focus

How many times have you found yourself looking at your “neighbor” wishing that was you with the: house, car, career, boat, vacation photos, physique…?

If you’re like I used to be, probably too many times to count right?!

Then it’s time to change your focus!

You can have it too!

You can have “what they have”, but you don’t NEED what they have. What you NEED is, what is going to make YOU happy! Your grass can be green too, you just have to want it bad enough! You have to adjust your focus to see what it is you really want! When you find exactly what it is you are truly wishing for, and “need”, then you can pivot your focus to “your yard”.

How do I get there?

You can “fertilize” your yard with your determination! Are you willing to do whatever it takes to reach your goals? I too, used to sit back and wish I had that body, and that house. I woke up finally, tired of always feeling less about myself and my situation. I stopped, and took a long hard look at what it was, I was truly needing. As it turns out it really wasn’t that house (although nice, I really didn’t want that expense or to have to clean it) that I wanted. It was what that house represented to me. Maybe it was the from being “programmed” to think that a perfect home was these things from all the tv shows and movies I had seen. You know the ones perfect little house, perfect little family, field with love and support. Everyone is happy all the time and enjoying life. We all know life is not that perfect. The point is I was completely out of focus.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t dream. To the contrary it’s those dreams that carry us to our best life, but I had to take a step back and refocus. I was sitting there wasting time looking at, yet another happy Facebook post, of how great this persons life was. I finally said enough is enough! Life was too short to sit there wishing. The fact was, I would never obtain what I truly wanted, just sitting there wishing. I had to start doing. I may not obtain those things as fast as I would like but, with time and determination, I might could get there.

The first thing I did, was sit down and make a wish list. This list contained everything I thought I could possibly want, or thought I wanted to do. I folded the list up and let it sit for a week. Ok, so I may have gotten distracted and forgotten about it, but I needed to give my self time. There’s that word again, time. In a world of instant gratification that’s the hardest thing to over come is waiting on time! What I wanted, though was for this not to be an emotional list of things I didn’t truly want or need. I went back to this list and truly thought about each item on the list. At the time the things on my list were a new vehicle, affording health insurance, vacation to Hawaii, a new laptop, a new purse, finish college courses…. the list goes on. What I noticed is that the word “new” kept appearing. The things attached to that word, I didn’t really need. You may be saying that’s obvious. While it may be obvious what are you doing about them? Are you so focused on the next “new” thing, that you are selling your self short? Some new things may legitimately be needed, like a new laptop. Mine at the time had crashed and was leaving me without access to sale the art, that I was creating at the time to earn money. In turn I was taking that money, and wasting it on things like a new shirt or eating dinner out, instead of eating the food I had bought at the grocery store. All because I wanted those photos to show we were doing those things too. It wasn’t easy to pull back on those things, I love shopping, and the atmosphere of eating out. It was more of a necessity! Eating out was the first thing I adjusted. Not only were the meals extremely high in caloric intake typically, but they were costing our family a quarter of our entire grocery bill for one meal. By adjusting that alone, it allowed me to save quickly for that laptop I was in need of. That laptop I finally saved for, eventually led to my joining AVON. If you have read the previous posts then you know what happened next…I made it to Hawaii another thing on my list. No Hawaii was not a necessity, but Hawaii had been on my bucket list for decades. For me it was fulfilling a dream, not a whim! If I had focused on Hawaii hard enough, I probably could have gone multiple times. I was not focused enough on living my best life though, I was too worried about keeping up with neighbors. When I changed my focus, I was led down a path that earned me not just a trip to Hawaii but an all expenses paid trip!!! Never in my life did I dream I would get there. I had just figured Hawaii to be a pipe dream I would never be able to afford. I hadn’t come from the riches of families, and had to work to get where my family is. What I didn’t let change was my determination. If you are determined enough you will make it happen. You, may have to sacrifice here or there, but if you are working towards your best life, it will be worth it.

The second thing I did, was to stop worrying about what others thought of my choices. Why do we as a society allow others to dictate what makes us happy?? There may be some disappointment along the way but, don’t let their guilt deter you from happy. There have been many people in my life, that have attempted to make me feel guilty for the choices I make. Like when I decline to attend an event, that I know is going to drag me down. Or, the guilt of not working towards maintaining a relationship with someone, who doesn’t also try to maintain that relationship (family is no exception). I embraced my inner black sheep and stopped allowing others to run my life. When I allowed that growth to occur, it was like a wave of relief from the baggage I didn’t know I was dragging with me. I accepted the fact my family wasn’t flawless picture perfect, but neither is anyone else, they just hide it better! I began to see, my happiness was in, what was really important to me.

Then, I took that list and prioritized it. I put it in the order of what I felt was the most important to ME and would make me the happiest. The list was daunting and I wanted to have it all over night, but that’s not going to happen. Instead after putting it in order on paper, I took another step back to just breath. I knew my goals/dreams, I knew mostly what I had to do to achieve them. What I needed to learn was patience and true focus. Now each night, I make some of my last few thoughts, about what I need to do the next day to reach those goals. I changed my focus, and I’m on a better happier path. I haven’t obtained everything on my lists, because, there will always be hurdles, speed bumps and pits that slam your face to the ground, to try to prevent you from getting there. Like me, you have to learn to breathe, dust yourself off, and continue full steam ahead towards happiness.

Just Remember

While, you are sitting there focusing on someone else, and what they have that you lack, there is someone else out there wishing their grass was as green as yours! Find your own happiness, be thankful for your blessings, and focus on beautifying your own “yard”!

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